Lately I have been a colicky, fussy, newborn mom. Apparently as soon as Kynlee started to have calmer nights, mommy's claws came out.
It may come as a surprise to you, but married couples fight! Hubs and I had a fight tonight. Don't worry, we're still married, but it's definitely something we don't do very much. I can honestly say we never fought when we were dating. We might have gotten irritated at some points, but Corey was great at never showing his anger at me if he was mad.
Because we have never had a fight, it was a shocker to me what marriage and parenthood can do to a couple. We still love each other with every piece of our heart, but that doesn't stop doors from slamming, or tears being shed sometimes.
My pride stands in the way a lot. It makes me shutdown, and not want to talk about what is going on. I grew up as an only child, and had no one to talk to when I got angry, and that carried over into adulthood. I've never been good at discussing my feelings, and marriage is teaching me that I need to be doing the exact opposite of that.
What we were fighting over doesn't matter. What's important is that we're both seeing sides of each other we haven't seen. I've been stressed, angry, and passive. Corey has been trying so hard to be understanding, and I love him for that, but I can tell it gets to him sometimes. I don't think we have said a word to each other for the past two hours. This has never happened before.
I've been so tired and stressed lately, and it just got to me tonight, but I didn't know how to communicate my feelings. This is a public declaration that I will try to start airing my thoughts better than I have been. I don't want the stress of being new parents to ruin our relationship, so I need to start being fair to him.
Like I mentioned earlier, I have a lot of pride, and that is exactly what is keeping me from being the first one to talk. Right now I can't even remember how this all started, but my stubbornness will not subside. I guess it's time to be bigger than I usually am and apologize, because we have made a promise to never to go bed upset.
So wish me and my pride good luck as we try to better ourselves.