I don't know what to title this.

I have no doubt that this will be the most random blog post you have ever read, but it's my blog so I can do what I want :)

 I have been feeling a lack of passion lately...for life, for school, or my blog. I'm in a funk I guess, and it has disturbed me to the point that I could not find the means to bring back the flame. Everything has been crazy. School is getting really hard, and Kynlee decided to go on another sleep strike while the hubs was sick for a week. I've cried...a lot. I've been wanting to find a way out of everything, but life isn't that easy, so I had to put on mybig-girl-panties (btw, I hate loathe the word panties, I always have. But that is how the phrase goes, so I had to say it, right?) and learn to pick myself up and get out of this emotional mess. 

I knew this semester was going to be hard, but I had no clue I was going to be freaking out after the first 2 weeks. My classes require me to devote a lot of free time that I don't have to studying or reading. Before I became a parent, I was able to spend hours studying after school, but now I'm changing diapers, playing peek-a-boo, or consoling a crying baby. I was hoping to spend what free time I do have at the gym, but instead, I'm afraid I will need to spend it on my studies. 

At least I'm able to have a break from watching K now that the hubs isn't sick anymore. It was horrible, I felt so bad for him, and it wasn't easy on either of us. K still sleeps in our room, so Corey has had to sleep on the couch the past week because he can't stop coughing. Not that I've really been sleeping. K picked the best time to go on another sleep strike...joy!

It was a struggle to get her to sleep, and a struggle to keep her asleep. Since Corey was sick, I tried to let him rest as much as I could by staying up with her...every night...for a week. I was so tired. So tired I cried. So tired, I struggle to stay awake in class. So tired that instead of picking her up from day care after class, I came back to the apartment and took the world's greatest nap. She did eventually get over the strike, as soon as Corey got better, of course.

I at least have one good thing to share: we have gotten Kynlee on a real schedule. She eats, sleeps, and wakes up at the same time every day! It is very refreshing. Before she was in childcare we had no structure to our day. She napped when she got tired, ate whenever she got hungry, and went to bed whenever she couldn't stay awake any longer. Child care has been a really good thing for us, because we have to get her there the same time every morning, which means she wakes up at the same time, meaning she does everything else (napping, eating) at the same time every day. It's really nice, and really convenient. K used to go to bed anywhere from 11-2am, now she goes to bed from 8:30-9! Even though we have to get up early on the weekends, having free time at night is heaven. 

I'm so happy Kynlee can sit up on her own now. She's been able to for weeks, but now she stays sitting up and plays by herself. It's nice that I can leave her sitting up to do something around the apartment instead of having to sit close to her to catch her when she falls. 

She amazes me how quickly she learns and grows. I remember telling Corey a week or two ago, that I couldn't wait until she could sit up longer, that it felt like she should be doing it already, and the next day she sat up for 30 minutes just playing. 

 {She makes some crazy faces}

It's rare that I get her to smile anymore, she usually ends up giving me this soultry, I know I'm attractive model face, or it's just that she see's the camera all the time, and is tired of smiling for it. 

She is very close to crawling. She crawled backwards one time, all the way from one edge of the rug to the other. But I think it was just a fluke, because she hasn't done it again. I'm fine with her not crawling yet, she can take her time. That just means she will stay put where I place her. Except for rolling around and scooting everywhere, I don't have to keep up with her too much. 

She is such a little bit. Around 4-5 months she had grown some respectable thunder things, now those things are history, replaced by scrawny legs. I don't know if this happened because she lost a pound from being sick, or if she wasn't meant to be a chubby baby, but she is tiny! She is the same size as a couple of 3-4 month olds that I know. She can even still wear some 3-6 month clothing. There is another 6-month old at daycare that makes her look like a dwarf. . Her feet still don't touch the ground without help in her jumper.

I told you this was the most random blog post ever, and I really don't even know how to end it. I feel like this post is just as blah has my life has been lately. Forgive me if I conclude this without an eloquent, life-altering ending.

The end? 

Love is...

I was very lucky to be able to marry my best friend. We met when my roommate took me to play poker at some old high school friend's apartment. It was the beginning of my sophomore year, and I was just coming out of a period of depression because of some past relationships, so getting out was exactly what I needed. I was not looking for a relationship of any sort at that time, I just wanted to have a good year with my friends. 

There didn't seem to be anything special about that night, but little did I know the relationship I formed with a guy who say's he let me win in poker (I really did kick his butt) would end up being my husband one day. 

Warning: If you're not into gushy things, or open deceleration of love you probably don't want to read this...

Love is...

...still opening every door for me even though chivalry is dead. 

...getting me a glass of water even if it's 3 in the morning (I love my water).

...cleaning my hair out of the shower drain.

...bringing me home shrimp en fuego from work because he knows it's my favorite dish at Outback.

...driving to Asheville from Boone at 5am just because he missed me. 

...always having caffeine free diet coke in the fridge.

...changing poopie diapers.

...giving me a kiss first thing in the morning before I've brushed my teeth. 

...being my number one blog fan.

...supporting my decision to pursue photography even though I'm about to graduate with a degree not even  close to photography.

...not laughing at me when I get scared of storms.

...keeping his cool when I can get a little angry.

...never raising his voice at me.

...getting up with Kynlee when she wakes up so I can sleep in a few more hours. 

...not complaining when I don't shave my legs for a few weeks...hey I'm a mom!

...pretending to love my new post-baby body, even though I don't.

...agreeing to watch a chick flick even though he hates 99% of them.

...saving the biggest piece of pizza for me.

....enjoying himself when we go shopping (or at least pretending to). 

...laughing at my lame jokes.

....dealing with my clothes on the floor in the closet, even though he can be OCD.

...giving Kynlee a bath so I can have 15 minutes of alone time.

...already picking out our future children's names.

...never complaining about being a full-time dad, a full-time student, and full-time employee.

I could go on for days, but I'll put an end to this mush-fest for those of you that are gagging. What can I say? I got very lucky when Corey came into my life.

For those of you wondering what true love is, it's this...

Practice Practice Practice!

I absolutely hate what I am studying in school and wish I could start over. If I could I would study photography.

I've always loved taking and editing pictures. I almost always have my camera with me. 

Photography is sort of a dream of mine, a true calling if you will. But since starting a new major is not an option for me, I have to figure out another way to reach my goal. 

I've decided I will go ahead and graduate with the degree I am working on, then take photography classes at a community college, while working what ever job I have. 

I usually set goals that are too high for myself (well maybe not to high, but I am too lazy to reach them), but this time I have actually taken the first step. A few weeks ago I got a camera for my birthday/Christmas present, and I've been trying to teach myself how to use it.

I still haven't learned all the secrets and tricks, but I've been playing around with it. Today I did a little photo shoot with Miss K, and this is the result.

Hope you enjoy!

 

What do you guys think?

My first shoot might be a little rough, but overall I am really proud of it, not to mention my baby is so stinkin cute!

As I was editing, I thought to myself, "I really wouldn't mind doing this every day." I think people who love their jobs are very lucky, and if I can make this happen, then I will be so blessed to do what I love. 

Hope you enjoyed the photos!

Here's a little extra behind the scenes =)

Sugar and Spice...not so nice!

So Baby K starts child care on Monday. I know I should be ecstatic that we finally got into a facility, but I am absolutely dreading it!

First of all, this place was our third choice, so that basically means it's the worst child care facility in the world. 

The hubs and I went and took a tour of the facility when we turned our paper work in on Thursday. Before we walked in, Corey said "just remember, before you jump to conclusions, it's an old building." Like that was supposed to make me feel better about the sign barely hanging on the wall, the door halfway off its hinges, and the poster that ever so nicely said "beware."

I opened the door to an overwhelming smell of laundry gone sour, and poopy diapers. When I shook the hand of the director, I was suddenly afraid for my life at the sight of her claws and fangs. 

{Professor Umbridge...scary!}

On our tour, we encountered many snotty noses, and kids running around infecting each other with their germs. I saw kids playing with sharp objects, and a dead rat in the corner. 

I won't even mention the filth I encountered in the infant room. Or the ex-convict that was the infant care provider. 

By the time we left I was in tears. How is my daughter supposed to be able to survive this excuse for a child care center. 

Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating just a little bit. But I really am dreading taking her on Monday. I am going to be a hot mess. If I could, I would keep her home with me all day, but if I want to graduate, this is my only option.

I hate that when she is upset, mommy won't be able to soothe her the way she likes, and her attention will be split among three other babies.  I hate that she is going to get sick. There is no way around it, it will happen, and I will feel guilty. 

Even though this was our third choice, they are obviously a good choice. It's a four-star facility that has been open for 16 years. I still have my eyes set on the best though, so she will stay there until we get a spot at ASU Child Development.

Although I will miss her terribly, I'm sure I will get used to it. I am looking forward to being able to go to the back to the gym though.

{We miss you Jessica! I wish you could watch her all the time!}

Wish me and baby K luck for Monday, I am definitely going to need it.