9 Months and Feeling it

Yup, 9 months pregnant. I can't lie, I'm pretty miserable. The end of my pregnancy with Kynlee wasn't this hard because I was in much better shape. I was still working full-time at a pool, and working out at least three times a week. It's much harder to workout this time around with Corey working so much and not having a gym membership. I have my treadmill, but it's no where near the amount of exercise I'm used to.

Sleep is pretty rough too. Luckily I'm getting some, but I'm uncomfortable most of the night. Rolling over takes about a minute, and then there is the many trips to the bathroom. I don't see how it's possible to use the bathroom this much. Seriously, I pee about every 15 minutes. It's pretty annoying. I really try so hard not to complain because I know someone would kill to be in my situation, but it's hard not to when I have a little boy trying to karate chop his way out of  my uterus several times a day, and relaxation comes in the form of sitting Kynlee in front of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse so I can get some rest. I don't even want to talk about the contractions I've been having the past few weeks.

I'm nervous about hitting the 37 week mark next week. That's how far along I was when I had Kynlee. I'm nervous because I'm afraid that if I go past that mark then I will be a miserable mess the rest of my pregnancy. If I do go into labor early then I have a possibility of having a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean- I promise that is the last time I'll say vaginal on my blog) instead of a c-section, which would be nice!

Whenever Avett decides to come, I hope he waits until after March 23rd so Corey and I can see the Hunger Games. I know, I know, selfish! Oh well, I've been waiting about a year to see this movie, and it will be our last one for a looong time. We're going to Corey's hometown that weekend for his interview for PT school and to see the movie. With my pregnancy luck, I just KNOW that I will go into labor while we're there. That's where we were a few weeks ago when we thought my water broke. Hopefully he'll decide to wait until we're safely back in Boone though. He can come the day we get back for all I care!

I think we're actually prepared for the baby now. We got all of Kynlee's baby stuff from home this past weekend, like the swing, bouncer etc. After we got it all set up, it hit me that we're having another baby! It's so crazy that we will be a family of four in the next few weeks. I'm so excited to see Corey become a father for the second time. He is such a wonderful dad, I can't sing his praises enough. He's also a pretty good husband :) Last year when we were in Florida my point-and-shoot camera fell out of my pocket on a roller coaster and broke. I loved that thing! It was also nice to have a smaller camera so I don't have to use my big DSLR all the time. Since it broke, I just haven't taken as many pictures. I've only been using my other camera for special occasions. But coming in the mail today is my "push present" from Corey!! He bought me another smaller camera. The best part is that it's almost like a miniature version of a DSLR so I can still get the same quality images. I feel so lucky to have such a thoughtful husband.  Now I think I will go wait outside for the mail man :)

Taking Bets on Who Thinks Kynlee Will Try to Kill Avett

I'm not kidding. When people find out my due date, they say how wonderful it must be to be having my children so close in age. I agree completely, it was always a dream of mine. But the closer I get to D-day the more worried I get about how Kynlee will handle everything. This will literally change her entire world. I've come to the conclusion that as long as I can keep Kynlee from killing Avett then I have succeeded as a mother. I wish I was joking. I'm scared for my son's life.

You see this face?

That's the look of death.

That look says, "take that baby back where it came from, or I will cut you."

I feel like she is at an odd age to be having a sibling. She obviously knows what babies are, and she'll kiss my tummy and say "baby," but she has also called her's and Corey's tummy baby. When I saw the positive sign, I thought by the time the baby arrives Kynlee would be old enough to understand, but the closer we get, the more I'm worried that she won't. She just know's that mommy has a big tummy that can be used for a pillow, not that her little brother is inside.

There was one point a few months ago when she got very upset over Corey paying attention to our niece and nephew. Lately, it hasn't been that bad, but this baby will be in her life day and night, and she won't always have all of Mommy and Daddy's attention. I feel so guilty sometimes because I don't want her world to change. I don't want this to turn her into a psycho toddler.

I know it will be rocky at first, especially when we first come home from the hospital, but my hope for the two of them is the kind of friendship only a brother and sister can have. I think we'll just have to dress Avett up as Mickey Mouse for the first few weeks of his life, because we all know how Kynlee feels about Minnie and her friends. I also won't be leaving them alone in the same room :)

Avett

Even though I got pregnant with Kynlee while I was still in school and it wasn't the most opportune time to become a mom, I was still so excited to be having a baby. I personally find that surprising since I had never even held a baby before I had her. I feel so guilty saying this, but I just don't have the same feelings with baby #2. I don't know what's wrong. Sometimes, I am so overwhelmed with joy that I can't wait to have him in my arms. Other times, I'm freaked out. I don't really know how to say exactly what I'm feeling without thinking I sound like an awful mother.

 When I tell people the baby is a boy, they always say something along the lines of "Oh, you must be so excited to be having one of each. How perfect?" I always agree, but sometimes I just don't feel the same way. When we were pregnant the first time, I gave Corey a hard time because I thought he wanted to have a boy, and he would resent having a girl. I feel so guilty now, because I was hoping this baby would be a girl as well. At first I was convinced that I would be happy either way, but secretly when we had our first ultrasound I was hoping for a girl. 

I have loved raising a girl. We've saved all of Kynlee's clothes in case we had another one, and I wanted so badly to have another girl to wear them. At 12 weeks pregnant, when the sonogram showed a little boy, I was so disappointed. Now, whenever we pack up any clothes that Kynlee can't fit into anymore I get so depressed. For some reason I have become so attached to them now.  It reminds me that Kynlee is getting older, and we may never have another girl to wear them. 

I've had four ultrasounds now, and another next week. Every time I've had one, I was secretly hoping maybe the doctor was wrong and we really are having a girl. I know this sounds so awful. It's not even the fact that having a girl would be easier financially. When I found out Kynlee was a girl, I was thrilled! I've always wanted to be a young mom, and raise a girl who I could be really close with. Then there was the potential of having another girl, and I was so happy. I had even picked the name Coley out. 

I feel like I'm rambling. I just want people to understand. 

Sometimes I'm uncertain that I won't be able to handle two kids that are close in age. But I honestly worry that most of my unattached feelings stem from being less than thrilled over having a boy. Ugh, I feel so awful saying that. I feel confident in saying that my feelings will change once I lay eyes on him. I really am so excited to be having another baby, I just have to get used to the fact that I will be raising a boy. I don't know anything about boys. 

Last week we went to visit with Corey's side of the family, and while we were out shopping in Winston I thought my water had broken. I didn't do anything right away because I was hoping nothing was wrong. I called my doctor and she suggested I go to the nearest hospital to get checked out because of my prior history with premature ruptured membranes. Still, I didn't do anything right away. My mother-in-law brought home pH strips from the hospital for me to test myself, and those turned out negative for amniotic fluid, which would indicate my water had indeed broken. Even though the pH strips didn't show anything, I still had a nagging feeling something was wrong so I went to the hospital in Mount Airy. I laid down on the bed to get checked by a nurse and she took one look and said "Oh honey, your water has broken." I couldn't believe it. I looked at Corey and started to freak out because I was only 30 weeks pregnant. She went to get the doctor and he had the same feelings so they started the process of getting me transferred to Forsyth Medical in Winston-Salem. It was crazy though because they tested me with pH strips and those came back negative so he did some other very uncomfortable tests and gave me an ultrasound (which was pretty cool, because he actually looked like a baby instead of an alien this time). All of the tests were showing up negative for amniotic fluid so we all agreed that I should go home and see my doctor as soon as I got back to Boone the next day. Luckily everything turned out fine, but she did schedule me for another ultrasound next week because at the hospital and at the doctor the next day I was measuring 34 weeks, when I was only 30. So I'm super excited to get another look at my baby. 

I know that story seems completely random to what I was talking about, but that experience made me realize that anything could happen. Even though I was freaked out about having a baby at 30 weeks along, I was admittedly a little excited to get to meet my son. That's the first time I've called him my son, and it feels pretty good. Because of that scare we decided we should probably get things prepared for Avett's arrival. Tax season is the best because it has made preparing for a baby much easier. 

Kynlee slept in the bassinet of a pack-n-play when she was a newborn, but recent research shows that they can actually be pretty dangerous, so we decided he'll go ahead and sleep in a crib next to our bed. Fortunately we were able to buy the same crib we bought for Kynlee so if they ever share a room, the cribs will match. For Kynlee we bought a wooden glider. While that was nice for a few minutes my butt always went numb when I was rocking Kynlee, so my amazing husband said I could get a new rocker/recliner for Avett. It's so comfortable, which is nice because I fully expect to be sleeping many hours in it when I get up to nurse Avett at night. 

The crib and bed set came in the mail the same day we picked out a new chair so we were able to set everything up this weekend. The bedroom we have now is so big that we were able to create a little nook for him, and it's so cute!

{For those who might be freaking out over the risk of SIDS, don't worry the bumpers are only for pictures right now, he won't be using them until he is more mobile months down the road}

Doesn't that chair look comfy!?

After the early delivery scare, and getting Avett's stuff set up, I have started to feel better about my apprehension. I know I'm going to love this little boy. I need to be a little easier on myself. Maybe what I'm feeling is normal, and other mothers have experienced it. Maybe not. But I feel the love I have for him once he is in my arms is more important than how I connected with him while I was pregnant. For now I'm going to look forward to seeing him on the ultrasound next week, and trust in myself that I'm a good mother, and I will show this boy more love than he can handle.